#MomGuilt.. It's real

Good morning. 

Little stretch.

Say my prayers and read a few bible verses. 

 

Now I'm here on my bed listening to the chatter below, as my babes play in their little kitchen,  while my husband is trying to keep them from a fight over one thing or another. 

I'm here doing, absolutely nothing...

I think they assume I'm folding laundry, or getting ready for church, but I'm not.  I'm liking pictures on Instagram, responding to emails and just lounging on my bed... feeling guilty.

Why?

Why is it that we so often feel guilt in pleasure?  That we feel bad if our husbands have to do a little more than usual? That if we hear the banter downstairs, our first inclination is to stop whatever we were doing for ourselves to rush and make it better? Is it the pride?  Maybe we feel like we can usually do the best job at calming storms, or providing the best breakfast?

Why do we call home and check in when our hubbies have it under control? You know that call...

Me "Hey babe".
Him "Hi mama".
Me "So.... How are the kids?".
Him "...fine".
Me "Did you make lunch?".
Him "No I thought I'd let them starve".
Me (insert eye roll, because I know he's already offended that I'm calling to check up on him, but I continue) "Did you use the boiled eggs I left out? and don't forget the chopped veggies.  The baby has milk in a bottle in the fridge already and don't let little man have any juice before he eats his sandwich. Oh and..."
Him "I got it under control babe".

 

Right? And when you get home, 

Me "Hey Hun, thanks so much for letting me have time to get my hair done".

Wait! Let's stop for a second. Do our husbands say "thanks" for being able to do anything alone?  Do they come home and say, "Thanks for letting me go to the barber!"  Why do we do that?  It's this guilt again!  We feel guilty for asking for time to ourselves and usually when we get it, we are only thinking about our babies and if our husbands are okay.

When we spoke with therapist and Sexologist, Kelly McDonnell-Arnold, she told us that this actually can have negative effects in our SEX and intimate relationships with our husbands! Huh? Who knew?  Yes, she says that Moms tend to lose themselves once the children start popping out! (Can I get an AMEN?)  I used to read books, I used to travel, I loved my coffee breaks in an actual coffee shop just journaling... Now, I barely do any of those things.

 OK, moms don't get me wrong... I would not change my life for the WORLD!  I am beyond blessed. However, this is the truth.  It's easy to lose our sense of self when we become Moms.  Kelly also mentioned that Moms can be over simulated with touch, carrying children, kissing  ouchies, cuddling on the couch, carrying children (yes, I said that twice because mine want to be carried everywhere).

So that intimate touch we used to crave from our partner is actually not required in the same way. Hence ,when Daddy wants some hot mama time, we find ourselves tired and our minds actually just want to shut down. 

Okay, so what do we do?  Watch this vLog we just shared in our #MommyTalk.. Kelly gives us some amazing tips.

We talk with Sexologist Kelly about getting the va-va-voom back in your relationship after KIDS!

Xo 

Melissa